Current song playing: Jonathan Coulton- Drinking With You

"My heart stops in a panic, when I think of how it would feel to finally hold your hand"


My oh my, we haven't seen eachother for a few weeks now have we blogger?

I have to say though it has been a good weekend for me, I mean a dinner out with my great friends can only be a good thing and it certainly was. A steak, conversations and great Sex (On The Beach) combined with a bit of Blackjack was a lovely meal. If a bit expensive.

Tell you what got a great chance to burn it off acting nonchalantly in the park and running off towards the station to catch the last train home, well not me personally but it would have been rude to let them run off by themselves into the dark. The stitch was worth it. Also as if my night couldn't get any better a little 'love-in' shall we call it was a lively end to the night, Imi being the main benefactor I would think =] (hello there if you're reading this, you're not the only one who hasn't blogged for a while it would seem).

So thankyou for inviting me, the start to that day wasn't exactly great and I was stuck with Maths papers to do which is as we know is a great way to cure my depression(!) Seriously though I really want to thank all of you for a great night. Possible lack of funds maybe not allowing us to do it as often as we'd like, weather permitting.

Alas, that brings me onto tonight/today/11th November 2008.
Thankfully I didn't get sacked, so I'm still in with a job until it gets quiet and overtime becomes unavailable then I'm out of there. It helped a little to raise me out of the currently turbulent mood I'm in, well not exactly turbulent I'd say more brinking on happiness to be talking to the people who mean so much to be/mild depression due to lonliness nearly cried a couple of times today mixed with a little bit of tired. That and chats I've had with Fia over the days http://horrendousblah.wordpress.com/ for proof of that.

I shouldn't feel like this really, I mean an iffy mood doesn't help when I'm trying to do Physics work, it's just a little bit pathetic of me to feel lonely. I've been through it all in my head several times but it's still there, the cowering man sitting opposite to the frustrated man slamming his fists on the table telling him to get over himself.

I thought there were a couple of avenues open to me but gradually over the past couple of days they slowly got sealed off from me but anyway I shouldn't rant on too much about things I already have. As I read somewhere:

"Don't compromise yourself, You're all you've got".

That should have been my motto throughout secondary school, hell it should be my motto now. It appears I can find a way to gradually screw myself over at ever stage of my life, even if I can't see it happening at the time.

There were a few comforting moments to help ease me out of my mood, mainly hugs if I'm honest courtesy of Jess and, well I'm going to put a little revelation here. The person I've written under the pseudonym 'her' in my labels section is Cat, and I don't know if it's my place to say this but just the hug and that you asked if I felt ok was comforting beyond belief for me today. It felt like something great that I hadn't felt for some time just rushed up to greet me again and it was wonderful. As for Jess well it is always marvellous to be able to hug you, makes me smile more often than not, but I'll always have this feeling that I'm not the first guy you'd go to for a hug, but that's my problem not yours.

I guess that's all I have to say for now, apologies for upsetting the probably >4 readers I still have on this thing with my less-than-perky return.

Oh and another revelation I think worth sharing, this is to you Fia if you still remember it.

The Emerald Lady was you, I only just realised it.

Current song playing: Feeder- Itsumo

"Too many times I watched you leave, I didn't say anything"

Not much to report on in terms of interesting things that have happened to me over the past few days, I just felt like writing this poem. It doesn't have a title yet so feel free to suggest one:

This is to the girl who got away
That I shared my first kiss
Who couldn't face me that fateful day
And required another to break us up.

This is to the girl who moved away
That I had little courage to speak to
Who was gone that fateful day
And I'm unable to lay eyes her again.

This is to the girl who got taken away
That was my only friend
Who got kidnapped that fateful day
And left me alone once more.

This is to the girl who lives far away
That made the time I spent with her joyful
Who never knew I wanted her that fateful day
And who I hope to meet again.

This is to the girl who took my breath away
That introduced herself to me like no-one else
Who taught me what it was to love that fateful day
And will never be forgotten.

This is to the girl who will love me one day
That will make me happy
Who I will endeavour to do the same
And be at peace with the world.

Thankyou for reading.

Current song playing: Coldplay- X&Y

"Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
It's all part of the plan

When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can"

My this blog has gone cold from neglect, I shall aim to warm it some more with a nice cup of Jasmine tea...shall have to pop back to the Steyning Tea Houses...maybe take someone with me *ponders*

Anyway I haven't really had anything significant to blog about recently and thus not felt like wasting peoples time by typing dribble but tonight fingers have come to keys and after talking to people (both meaning a lot to me) I've felt compelled to write.

I've been doubting myself recently, a lot in fact. I've grown nervous around the people who mean the most to me not only in person but online and not knowing what to type to keep them interested and having the confidence to type/talk slowly shrink away into seclusion or a feeling of "they wouldn't want to talk to me anyways".

I got shown some videos by someone recently and aside from being interesting in the way of showing how big space is and having some incredibly large figures, it made me think a little but probably not what I was supposed to. I doubted myself again to my worth as a person or to other's time even though it was supposed to make me feel great about myself and I apologise to Lizzie for not being as upbeat as I was supposed to be and being a pessimist toward myself.

Having getting over the nervousness of talking to people and trying to get conversations going though proved slightly easier for me recently as they've actually made me feel better just by talking to me and making me think that maybe I am interesting enough to make their time spent talking to me worthwhile.

What I have found the most confusing personally is when I try and explain my doubts or weird feelings I stumble and think to myself "I don't actually know" so it then gets me thinking as to why the hell I am thinking all this and that I should just grow up and be happy with what I have, yet I've not the will-power to do so it would seem.

Nonetheless I guess it's been a mental "what-the-hell" type thing going on for me but I just want to extend some thanks for some little things that have been good for me recently:

To Fia: For the walks in the woods, the chats online about many goods & all the laughs we had
To Lizzie: For the reassuring beliefs, the consoling of my griefs & the cute dp of an orange
To her: For simply responding, to leave me wondering, of when we will meet again.

Sleep well my friends.

Current song playing: The Killers- Romeo And Juliet

"I can't do the talk like the talk on the TV

And I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be

I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you

Can't do anything except be in love with you



And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be"





I had a couple of odd dreams recently, one involving Lizzie and the other the cast of Top Gear...probably best you don't ask about these as I'm issuing an advance warning of possible disturbance.

Anyway now for something I've come to realise this week, I'm losing hope.


If it's now increasingly likely I'll ever be able to speak to her again then hell will freeze, thaw and refreeze before I can have anything romantic with her. I'm living in the past, I'm scared to turn to the future and I'm constantly relating myself to a simple Dr Who quote I saw in the finale:

"So what about you Doctor, all those friends you've got?"..."They've all got someone else now"



Alas I have to put out a mention to Fia, yet again she has been able to make me feel better what with her uplifiting demeanour and her frantic typing at the end of conversations trying to get down all she wants to say and my sneaky attempts at keeping her from going to bed so she can keep me smiling for that extra minute. Selfish I know, will have to get her that ice-cream I owe her as an apology gift.

Speaking of Fia I should probably end this blog with something uplifting...well it'll be uplifting for some and for others distinctly average.

Upon the arrival of July 12th the fantastic Fia and the sincere Steph kindly partnered me to the Goodwood Festival of Speed and I can honeslty say it was the best one I have ever been to simply because they were there with me. I've never been able to openly act in my automotive interests with people before, sure there are thousands of other people there too but apart from my Dad I've never been able to share my world with people like this before. So a most sincere thankyou to the both of you and now here are the moments from that day that I look back on kindest:

• Going "shopping" with Fia and Steph round the racecar model shops.
• Trying the A1GP pit-stop challenge with Dad.
• Talking to Alan McNish and finding out he was tired of journalists over-hyping the Le Mans battle between Audi (which he drove for) and Peugeot and thought Peugeot were going to win.
• Finding out both Alan and I love a good mocha.
• Battling the walk up the hill to crossing 6 with them both.
• Watching the tiny windscreen wipers on the tank go crazy.
• Waving umbrellas about to help Dad find me, much to photographer's displeasure.
• Seeing Fia get awe-struck by the Airbus A380.
• The three of us egging eachother on to get Sir Stirling Moss' autograph.
• Getting Sir Stirling Moss to sign a copy of Ian Fleming's "Live And Let Die".
• Watching Fia and Steph dive into a pile of bean bags at the Honda stand.
• Sitting on the Honda F1-liveried lawnmower with Steph.
• Fia giving Steph a ride in a Honda Civic Type-R, Fia being the driver of course, and having a laugh.
• The bumpy ride in the tractor shuttles up and down from the rally stage
• Being interviewed by the online Race of Champions TV crew about my opinions on it being hosted in Wembley.
• Running about the supercar display taking pictures just as the cars were preparing to do their runs up the hill.
• Getting a text from Fia giving me subtle clues as to where she was sitting in the supercar paddock.
• Getting a text from Fia saying "Look up" and literally looking up at the sky when they were right next to me on the wall, then getting a text saying "By the cafe we're not that ruddy tall!". Good laugh that was.
• Playing with the cavemen from Wacky Races's hair.
• Trying to get Steph and Fia noticed on the TV camera up by the rally stage with me.
• Driving an XBOX game on a stand where the seat was too low and the TV screen angles so the clouds reflected off the screen therefore not being able to see where you were going, not good when the steering wheel was nearly falling off the table and possibly explaining why the steering was so light. But fun to see Steph and Fia having a go and me giving them directions.
• Walking straight past Fia and Steph (literally) whilst trying to find them in the paddock...several times.
• Fia singing the Bugatti Veyron's praises, and me complimenting the Pur Sang edition.
• Fia and I taking pictures of eachother with her SLR camera whilst waiting for Steph to finish in the lavatory.
• The minimal traffic in and out of the event.
• Steph and I walking Fia to and from her house up to my Dad's car.
• Steph and I endlessly stroking Fia's face as it was so soft.
• Me walking arm in arm with Fia on my right and Steph on my left through the Style-et-Luxe past a James Bond car display with big band music in the background. I'll treasure that moment most for a very long time. "Well looks like you really CAN live like a spy and get the girls".

Anyway that's all I can remember for now, if I remember anything more I'll add it in a later date.

But I should probably take Fia's advice from 2 hours ago and go to bed.

I'll see you soon.

Current song playing: Coldplay- Everything's Not Lost

"So if you ever feel neglected, and you think that all is lost, I'll be counting up my demons, hoping everything's not lost"

I can't believe the weekend I had, so many good things happened it was an incredibly great experience, probably what I needed after recent social events had left me confused, nervous and apprehensive for a while. But anyway enough of that, I have a story to tell...

Saturday morning was the turn of my theory test for my driving. Got 49/50 for multiple choice and 61/75 for hazard perception so that equated to one hell of a pass! Nearly had my test cancelled by the DSA as I had left the photocard part of my provisional driving license at home but Dad was kind enough to get it for me. Fast-forward the day an hour or so and I had managed to get back to Horsham in time to play football in the park as usual, and what's more is the team I was in won the game so an added benefit of the day. Fast-forward the day again and after the British Grand Prix I had recieved confirmation that I was allowed to go to the British Grand Prix with my Dad! More details on that later.

Upon watching Doctor Who in the evening I wasn't really struck by the finale, it solved the answers of the previous episode cliffhanger but that's pretty much all it did. The using-the-hand-to-keep-Tennant-the-same was a bit of a cop-out of Mr Davies' part and didn't do him justice as to some of the good episodes he has written have done. However was glad that Donna no longer plays a role in the programme, I shan't rant about this too long but she was the most rubbish companion in the history of Dr Who. Enough said. Also glad to see no sudden burst of what will start this years Christmas special, the plot was best left with him just adjusting to life on his own again. Was a bit rubbish to see the entire mass of associates he had collected all forced to go seperate ways, especially Rose but we all knew what the Doctor said to her on Bad Wolf Bay now don't we?

Anyway, Sunday beckoned me profusely as it was the day of the 2008 Santander British Grand Prix, I had to get up early so that I was able to get to the circuit in time. The reason why I was allowed to the Grand Prix was that I was to join my Dad as part of Cabair staff, I got up early so that I would travel with my Dad to the circuit and help out when it came to flying the customers in and out of the circuit for the Grand Prix. Thus in turn allowing me to get into Silverstone for FREE. That's right, I paid nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Once the customers had gotten where they wanted to (Vernon Kay and Tess Daly being notable guests), we were taxi-ed down to a clubhouse/cafe place (which had a free-vending hot drinks machine, made use of that with a mocha) next to Bridge where there was a perfect vantage point where the ground was risen up to build the road over the bridge. Uninterrupted views of Maggots/Beckets and turning around gave views of the run down to Stowe so plenty of overtaking opportunities ready for recording.

Even when the cars were on the warm-up lap the noise was just amazing, you could sense how the engines were longing to be put to full pace and when they were...it's just phenomenal. Never have I actually felt something inside my ears upon hearing something, it says a lot about the sheer power of the engines, just makes me want to have gone to a Grand Prix back when they had 3-litre V10's that weren't rev-limited and were the pinnacle of engine development in worldwide motorsport. Anyway below is a link to a montage video I took of the weekend:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s41Ou03VaI

The race itself was incredibly eventful, Lewis Hamilton finishing an epic 68-odd seconds before second-placed Nick Heidfeld and Rubens Barrichello taking a well-deserved 3rd for Honda. What's more is that Massa spun at least 5 times (with some jeering from the crowd) and Raikonnen making a poor decision to stay on his first stint tyres and losing around 40 seconds to Hamilton. Good to see Ferrari getting this kind of race happen to them after all the help they've gotten from the FIA recently. Mark Webber unfortunately again couldn't capitalise on a front-row start and spun on the hangar straight on the first lap ultimately causing him to finish outside of the points. It made the wind and the rain so worth it to have gone to my first British Grand Prix with a British driver winning in a British car and I went for free. Can't get many better motor-racing experiences than that without driving.

I originally started at Bridge then with my Dad and his colleagues we walked down to Stowe before finishing at Copse to watch the end of the race. It was great to see Hamilton waving at the fans while they cheered, you could even hear them cheering at the start/finish straight there were so many of them. What was funny was that when I was at Bridge I was standing near a small group of raging Ferrari fans so to see them get all excited when Raikonnen closed up to Hamilton only to see Ferrari screw up their strategy so that showed them what was what.

After the race had finished we were taxi-ed back up to the marquees up by Abbey to get Cabair customers back out of the circuit so they could go home and I was instructed to tell the staff which of our designated helicopters were landing in certain bays by listening to radio transmissions from the control tower at Silverstone (121.075Hz I think the frequency was). That went well and then out of the blue I was told that I may have to get a helicopter out of the circuit so I was suddenly very nervous, it's hard enough for me to jump out of a tree from a branch no higher than my height as it is let alone ride in a helicopter. Unfortunately for me, while I was frantically pacing up and down the marquee, it dawned on me that it was this or walk. I had no idea which direction to go in either and it was raning so I had to take my vertigo like a man and just get in the helicopter and hope the flight is as short as possible.

So I walked out of the marquee at a crouch as I was adamant that I was not to go anywhere near the rotors than is sensible, and I was bundled into the front seat so I was to get a panoramic view throughout the trip. Not too bad then. So as we ascended I video-ed the view as to prove to myself (or other people) I was capable of remaining in relative calm at over head height. I got a pretty good view of the circuit and could see the entire layout of the track. What I actually found interesting was while flying that the rain streamed across the windshield in a rather elegant fashion, but I should point out that from ascent to descent my left hand would not let go of a coasthanger-thing above me to my left whether I told it to or not. Couple of other things that worried me about the trip was the window was vibrating tremendously while in flight and the fact that as I was sitting in the front passenger seat that of course I was next to all the controls, including a bid red button labelled "KILL SWITCH". That unnerved me a lot knowing what that button does and having it near me.

Nonetheless after getting over the silly amounts of tilting that the pilot was doing in the air the descent back to where Dad's car was parked went smoothly and I got out safely too. I made a point of telling Dad that I was still a petrolhead and that my preferred method of transport would always be the car. Flew over the Red Bull Racing F1 factory which could have been an insight to a future workplace if my plans go well.

A final highlight of the trip would be living the classic cliche of having swans (thankyou Fia for correcting me, I originally thought they were geese) cross the road in front of me when me and Dad were driving past the Nissan factory next to where my Dad works.

So yeah quite a weekend and I do hope I haven't bored you at all reading this.

And if you're reading this then remember I still love you, I'm sorry if it inconveniences you but I just can't help this.

Fare thee well.

Current song playing: Ayano Tsuji- Kaze Ni Naru

"Close the forgotten eyes and retrieve the love song
Reach out your hand hidden in the blue sky one more time
Don't forget, soon I'll be by your side all the time
Even when at dawn you gaze at the starry sky alone"

I feel at ease right now, somewhat calm and at peace with the world. It's amazing what watching a film can do to me, and I finished watching 'The Cat Returns' a few minutes ago and I just can't help but love it. I've never admired and adored fictional characters so much until now. The grace, elegance and effortless chivalry of Baron Humbert von Gikkingen and the depth, beauty and spontaneous nature of Haru Yoshioka. I find the Baron the kind of gentlemanly figure I'd love to be as a person, to be able to be such an admirable figure as a person and to have the grace to pull off incredible feats with such poise and effortlessness. Just amazing. Haru however I just think is such an amazing character, such a deep thinker but with a cute clumsiness turning later to a beautiful grace and ease of movement in how she is as a person. Makes me wonder if there is someone in real life who is just like her, I'd love to meet her if there is.

Anyway I just felt like writing something on here as I like the mood I'm in, I hope I can stay like this as it seems to make life feel much easier for me. Now all I need is her to complete it...

Current song playing: Coldplay- Strawberry Swing

"Now the sky could be blue
I don't mind
Without you it's a waste of time"

First off I have to mention how brilliant Mclaren was, out of all the day trips I have been on this just blows all the others out of the water. I was taken round their entire factory, although the day started off with a board meeting where we got to ask questions to the CEO of Mclaren Electronics about the cars (and I also had a cup of tea too, little finger lifted as standard). Then I was shown the SECU (Standard Electronic Control Unit) that they supply to every single car on the F1 grid. Then I was shown how they make the circuits to fit inside the SECU, but one weird thing I have to mention is that every door that I pushed gave me an electric shock as there must have been a huge build up of static in the air, did it to everyone in fact.

But the best bit of the trip had to be actually seeing the team making the sidepods and centre section of the 2009 car which will have brand new aerodynamics fitted to it to improve overtaking, I would have drawn it so I remembered what it looked like but I can't remember enough of what it looks like to accurately draw it. I also went inside the windtunnel section of the facility, and the windtunnel itself is so powerful that it has to be mounted on rubber supports from the ground otherwise the noise and vibrations from it would reverberate around the entire factory and probably break all the glass. Then as a finale I got to see the race and F1 cars they had on display, including Mika Hakkinen's 1998 and 1999 title winning MP4/13 & MP4/14, Kimi Raikonnen's 2005 MP4/20, a Mclaren F1 LM edition (one of 5 in the world), a Mclaren F1 GT Longtail race car which helped Mclaren dominate the GT racing scene in the mid 90's as part of their 1995 Le Mans 24 Hours win in which the car hardly needed any modifications to make it race-worthy. Also got to see all the trophies they'd won too.

Now I don't know why I decided to do this but I thought it might amuse me so as I recently acquired Coldplay's new album 'Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends" I will now personally review each song on the album.

1) Life In Technicolor: A good start to the album, rolling drums beats help keep the pace of the song up and was a good decision to start the album with a non-vocalised song, kept the theme original and could easily be recreated by any budding drummer.
2) Cemeteries Of London: Coldplay said themselves they aimed to name this song as how Morrisey formely of The Smiths would, and they weren't wrong. Not too bad a song, slower than Track 1 but still keeps an echoey air to it which suits this song best to make it a more calming tune.
3) Lost!: This is one of my favourite tracks on the album, I like the lyrics and the beat behind it could not be better, steady at first and has an African theme about it and as the song goes on it gradually gets replaced by the modern drum kit as played by Will Champion. I would also recommend listening to 'Lost?' which is a piano acoustic version of this song and can be downloaded from iTunes, the beat is the same but do give it a listen.
4) 42: Again this song is one of the ones I like listening to best, I could easily sit back and let the music calm and relax me, but unfortunately it doesn't last long. The song jumps from a calming piano into a full blown guitar and drums blast which I can't decide whether it gives the song added impact or makes it unneccessarily manic and would be better off keeping the calming piano throughout the song.
5) Lovers In Japan/Reign Of Love: The first part of the song i.e. 'Lovers In Japan' I like a fair bit, the piano has a nice rolling play to it, so not a bad effort. As far as 'Reign Of Love' is concerned, this would be the calmest track on the album, well I say track. I prefer the second part of this song mainly because it's the calming song I can lay back and relax too when I have had an iffy day.
6) Yes: Oddly seeing as this song seems to be another case of forgetting to press the "stop" button between songs as it doesn't mention there being a second part to the song as is done so in Track 5. Anyway onto the song, the first part relates to me a little but I won't go into that, it's a slightly harsher song in terms of how the instruments are used. As for the second part of the song I can actually see why they didn't give it a name because it doesn't really deserve one. I like the guitar playing very much in this but it's another non-vocal song and tends to repeat itself a little too much.
7) Viva La Vida: Now I don't care what anyone says about this track but I love it. The violins are an excellent touch and the lyrics behind it are even better, so thankyou Mr Martin for deciding to work on the song instead of going to sleep that fateful night. This is the song on the album that I've wanted to go out and sing the most, but obviously I don't as I've no idea if I can actually sing or not, and that's saying something for me as 'Lost!' comes pretty damn close to being my favourite song on the album too.
8) Violet Hill: Was a good decision to use this to help the build-up of the album's release But I can't help it may not be much more than that. Don't get me wrong, the song is good. I like the song as a whole as you shouldn't be deterred by my previous comment about this song.
9) Strawberry Swing: Upon hearing this song I have now decided my absolute favourite songs on this album are 'Lost!', 'Viva La Vida' and this. It always gets my feet tapping when the intro plays and I'm not sure what effect that is at the start of the song but whatever it is it's done a great job. A good song for lovers in terms of the lyrics but in my case just makes me think of her and that's all I'll say about it.
10) Death And All His Friends: This song has both it's upsides and downsides, the upside being the instrumental performance of this song being above-par but the downside being I can't help but feel Mr Martin is in somewhat of a rush to fit the lyrics into one line during the mid-point of the song. Overall though it's not bad.

So that's my review done, comment if you disagree and I think I know of one person who's likely to disagree and he knows who he is.

Anyway as you may have noticed I've been rather down over these past days (except for tuesday that was just an amazing day, better if I had gotten to speak to her in person though), and I won't expand on it mainly because it's due to stupid, self-centered reasons and my emotions are insignifficant compared to people's present problems/situations.

Alas, I am ending this blog now. I'll see you lot soon.
*bows*

Current song playing: The Real Thing- You To Me Are Everything

"Though you're close to me, we seem so far apart. Maybe given time you'll have a change of heart."

Weird day today, I seemed to have experienced a somewhat spontaneous depression. I haven't had one of those in a while and I hope I don't have one again soon.

This combined with feeling a tad tired and not looking forward to work in the evening left me feeling rather odd, and you know what else odd I felt? I felt ordinary, and I don't mean as in normal because there's no such thing as normal it's just an invention of the majority of society to create a set style for people to follow but which is constantly changing.

Anyway, I speak of feeling ordinary but not only that, I felt like an also-ran, as if i was 'just another guy' who hangs about in the background and never gets noticed most of the time. I don't know this could be of my own invention or just a reflection of how slowly I seem to progress in life. Now before you get any ideas I have this to say:

It's not your fault.

I've had these kind of days before, but not for years, mainly between the end of Year 6 and early Year 10, but that was because I didn't have many people to call my friend and a lot of people were playing with my emotions. I was even sent to a counsellor but she didn't get to the root of the depressions, she had to leave for a different centre and I was left without a friend and no close to finding out what was wrong with me back then. Now however I haven't been having many at all so just give me hugs and have a chat and I'll be as right as rain. Especially if my love gives me a little cuddle, I'll be ever so grateful.

I'm sorry for acting so down to you, you came over to me to see how I was and I wanted to talk to you about how I was feeling but evidently it was not the right time to talk to you. I promise to talk to you about my problems when I next get the right chance to. It's the least I can do after what you've done for me.

Anyway being forced to redo my Key Skills work (which is preventing me from getting into A2 and I originally submitted it at Christmas and only now has my teacher told me to redo it), being pestered about my theory test for driving not only by Dad but now by Mum aswell who is telling me essentially that I need to get a move on, and being told to get a new job is probably not helping me relax when I want to now that I've gotten the chance.

So alas I must finish this post, I can't think of much more to say than that recently I had a dream and I want to talk to someone I trust about it because I don't know if I should have had it or not. Also I'm listening to the Russell Brand podcast, the latest one mind.

Now I fare the well, and for that special girl, I love you.

P.S. Can anyone who has subscribed to my blog feed or someone who regularly reads my blogs give me a comment on this because I want to get an idea on how many and who reads my blogs. Thankyou.

Current song playing: Jamiroquai- Cosmic Girl

"Sends me into hyperspace, when I see her pretty face"

Well here I am, free of exams and making the most of all the lie-ins I'm getting. Waking up at about 12:45pm gives you an idea of how much sleep I'm catching up eh?

I have had some really relaxing days though, and there's not much better than lying in your bed, watching Dr Who DVD's and talking to that ever so special girl. Oh and the odd cup of tea can't go amiss either.

Generally I'm feeling more at ease, don't know whether that's due to no more exams or whether I'm just feeling happier chatting to the girl I love more often and sharing what's troubling ourselves with eachother but what's for certain is that I'm thankful for that. If this is a sign of what's to come then I'm going to have a very good summer.

A quick message to those who ever told me to "get a life", well guess what? I've got one, and this summer is without doubt going to be the best one I've ever had. I've got all my friends, my love, the radio show, the vlog project, and all the park days I've had and am bound to have.

Yet I have two more weeks of this, I sense I'll probably be the peace maker while everyone around me goes crazy over their last exams, that actually doesn't sound like such a bad thing, will certainly give me a break from all my driving theory I'll be doing, my instructor has challenged me to be ready to take my test by June 16th so that'll be a mission.

Finally seeing as I can't seem to think of much more to write now I have a little message to send out, the right person who reads this will understand it.

It'll get easier, I know it may seem like it now but if you keep what makes you happy around you then that's all that matters. It's been an honour to be there for you and I hope to mean this much to you forevermore because you know what? It makes me so happy.

That's it I guess, with all this free time you can expect me to be posting more often but we'll soon see won't we?

Fare thee well, and I love you

Current song playing: Groove Armada- Crazy For you

What I'm dying to say,
is that I'm crazy for you,
Touch me once and you'll know it's true,
I never wanted anyone like this

Well if some of you are wondering where my blogs went well they're still here but as there are exams and whatnot on I haven't felt like I've had anything worth contributing to the world but nonetheless I thought I'd share something with you.

I'm going to keep a log of any dreams I experience in the hope I can find out anything about what I really feel about things or what influences me most. Anyway I shan't be posting them on here so I'll only post them if I think they're pretty darn interesting or mean something to me.

So here's an extract from one I had last Saturday night...

"Next I was in a giant theatre seating area with Dex, Fia and some other people when I needed to go to the toilet. I walked out towards the gent’s when this coloured guy looks at me funny and I said all I was doing was going to the toilet. Then suddenly me and Joy from My Name Is Earl are forced into the ladies toilet and Joy is forced into a room whilst I did my business and walked away. Somehow I then end up behind a bar on a stage when a female singer starts walking onto the stage and sings, she smiled at me and I smiled back. Then I see the crowd waving their arms from side to side, then I notice Fia seeing me do it and going “Aww”. Then I am in a park and I see Dex falling off a bike into a pool of mud and he hurt his arm."

I look forward to the summer and to the project I shall be a part of.

Current song playing: Elton John- Your Song

"How wonderful life is, when you're in the world"

It's amazing how the sun shining combined with just laying on the grass with your friends can just make a day feel so care-free. I've missed out on too much when I was in my old school, and you know what, I owe it all to those group of friendly lay-abouts I proudly call my friends. Some of them even best friends but I'll never be able to tell you who as I've never known what makes a best friend. I'll probably find out eventually just you wait.

The start of the standardised testing season began this week with a rolling start, turns out my revision was made redundant but the paper was simple enough so I can hardly complain.

A couple of revelations recently, 1) I'm unnaturally capable at "appearing from nowhere" behind my friends which I'm finding rather amusing & 2) I can do a better accent than I think I can, try me out on Welsh/Scottish for a start...I wonder what else I'll be able to imitate...

Anyway this has been a great day for me, I shall end this blog before something gets a chance to ruin it, pesky life whatever shall it do next eh?

I shall fare thee well and for that person I say I love you.

P.S. I was actually listening to my dear friend Fia on the piano before this song came on but it was too quick for me to post as the title, but nonetheless I recommend you listen to it if she ever sends you clips.

Current song playing: Klaxons- No Diggity

Well today I can say was a huge relief for me, I was foolish to start off the day with the old thought routine but thankfully I was able to have a great end to the day.

It was incredible, it was if a switch had flipped and all was good in the world again and I owe it all simply by being able to speak to her again, one minute I was shying away the next I was getting all chatty again. Oh what am I like sometimes...

Not only that but we have finally been graced with a beautifully sunny day and I can be sure we made the most of it lying in the daisies, speaking of which it was mighty impressive to have seen my love construct a daisy chain longer than an actual person, kudos to you my love you did a marvellous job (and thankyou for the smaller chain, I'm wearing it now as I'm typing this).

Pretty confident I managed to get a tan aswell, although I'm looking a tad burnt so might put on the magic anti-UV cream next time.

I was glad to have felt so relaxed and happy today, when that switch flipped it was as if all my problems could have chucked themselves off of a cliff for all I care and it's not that often I get to experience that. So a recommendation for whoever reads this and feels down, just get all your friends, go to the park on a sunny day and lie down amidst all the daisies and you'll feel much better. I know this from experience.

I owe a thankyou to my friends for giving me this wonderful afternoon, and to my love especially for triggering off this wonderful change. I feel so much at ease now so let's hope this continues while the sun still shines eh?

Anyway unless I can think of anything more to say in this I guess I better leave it at this, so cheerio and I'll see you next time.